I finished and sat down and hugged Nash to my chest. [Gray was with Dad.] My heart was so full. I was grateful to have the mountain behind me [at least for now]. And I knew that Christ and my Heavenly Father were the reason I had these two beautiful miracle babies, and that I made it through that trial without becoming hard hearted. I could feel. And I did feel. And it felt good. How can anyone look at a sweet newborn babe and doubt the existence of our wonderful God? I will never understand that.
After church, we came home and ate a quick lunch, set up chairs and got my sweet boys ready for their blessing.
You know how you have this picture in your head of how things are "supposed" to be? I'm learning quickly that focusing on the "supposed" to be's are a quick way to get upset, because things are hardly ever how you picture them. Most of the time they're better, if you just look around and soak it all in. Well, I wanted this blessing day to go a certain way and it made me get all weepy like weeks in advance because I knew it wouldn't be that way. [read: in Utah]. And then I really wanted it to be during sacrament meeting at church. And we couldn't have it in church unless it was the first Sunday of the month. And then I was upset because we couldn't have it at our house. And then I was upset that all my Utah friends wouldn't be there. And then I was upset about not being able to serve watermelon. [See? totally irrational freak outs...and they were constant. Which is why my sweet husband reaches sainthood every. single. day.] And then my dad woke me up.
"Kristin, all that matters today is that your husband is going to bless these beautiful boys."
Cameron had told me that a hundred times. I'm not sure why it took my Dad saying it for me to buck up. But really, the day couldn't have been more perfect. And both of them were exactly right.
I got weepy again right before I got the boys dressed in their blessing outfits. I had pictured me getting some quiet time alone with my boys to doll them up and dote on them. The doorbell rang and people arrived early and my family and Cameron's family were all in the room. And I opened my eyes a little wider and watched everyone dote on my boys. Everyone wanted to love them, meet them, dress them, cuddle them. There was so much love in that room. And I was the mom. Love is a funny thing. I wanted to keep it to myself, but when I shared it, it totally exploded. And my mood completely changed.
I dressed Nash. My mom dressed Gray. They were wearing my brothers' blessing outfits. Gray in Rick's and Nash in JT's. I loved having that little bit of family tradition snuck in there. They were blessed in the same blessing blanket Cameron was blessed in. They looked perfect. Nash's little tuxedo pants just killed me and I couldn't get over Gray's poofy bum.
Cameron thanked everyone for coming to show their support and the Bishopric member who came, Brother Edwards, started the meeting. He said how grateful he was to be a part of this blessing because he has twin boys that are out serving missions right now. It hit me hard that this is the start of my boys' lives. They will grow up. I hope they go on missions. Even though it means my babies will be somewhere far far away from me. And this is where that all starts.
He asked the grandmothers to share their testimonies. Cameron's mom talked about the prayers it took to bring these miracle babies to our family. She talked about overcoming trials. She talked about relying on Christ. My mom spoke about making your home a sanctuary, a sacred place. She talked about how grateful she is for a good man who takes such great care of her daughter. She talked about the priesthood.
And then I was asked to share my testimony.
I started by saying what a good day it was for our family. I've learned a lot in the past couple years. I spoke about how Heavenly Father knows each one of us and knows the best way to teach us what we need to learn. I spoke of the healing and joy these sweet boys have brought to our lives. I spoke of the spiritual confirmation and personal revelation I received when I met Cameron. I knew I was his from day one. And when times got tough, it was vital to be able to fall back on that. That knowledge that our marriage was honored by God.
Cameron then took sweet little Nash and gave him a name and a blessing. His voice broke as he started the prayer. I married a humble, strong, God-fearing man. Cameron then handed me Nash, and I handed him Gray who was then blessed in the same way. Surrounded by the strong priesthood leaders in our family [and closest friends]. Neither of the boys made a peep.
And then we ate brownies and lemon cake. And talked and took pictures and laughed. And I wore high heels and felt like a million bucks. And I cuddled and kissed my boys. And listened to everyone coo at them and comment on how strikingly handsome they are.
And I agreed.