Never Trust a Woman in a Corset

Hate is a strong word. I get that. I mean it. I hate Halloween. I don't like scary Halloween. I don't like gross things. I don't like food that resembles body parts. Normally, though, I can get past it, dress up and have a good time. This Halloween, we ended up pulled over in a side street with me having a total breakdown. Let's rewind a few hours and I'll explain.

Originally, our little family was going to go as Despicable Me characters. Cam would be Gru, I was going to be Vector [complete with a bowl cut. awesome.] and the boys were to be minions. Well, they don't make hoodies small enough for the boys in bright yellow. We looked everywhere. So we opted out of that idea and during a stroke of genius in the kitchen, we decided we would be the judges from The Voice. 3 guys, 1 girl it was perfect! We made a list of everything we needed and set about finding them for cheap.

We really had no money to spend on costumes this year, so I decided to go as Christina during her dark hair days. [If you don't remember the dark hair days...she was exceptionally trashy. awesome.] For Cam's costume, we drew tattoos on a pair of nylons and he wore them over his arms. Then, he pretty much wore what he always wears. Cam's pretty stylish anyway. It worked great.

I spent the greater part of Friday pulling together the costumes. We found Nash a perfect plaid shirt, black vest, and long dark pants for Blake. He looked super suave and oh so charming.

Gray being Ceelo was the hardest part for me. The only look of Ceelo's I could get into my head was the all white ensemble complete with a white baseball cap. I spent 3 hours trying to make him a white baseball cap. I picked it apart 3 times and tried again when it just didn't fit right. I was losing my mind. Seriously. Just in case you were wondering if it's possible to make a baseball cap out of a cereal box, an old dress shirt and a hair's not. I had reached a new low. I was laughing so hard at myself. It's one of those times where you just step back and ask "what the heck was I thinking?" I couldn't keep it together. I'm still laughing. I tried to call my mom, because it is her gene that makes me feel like I can make anything. She was teaching piano, so I tried calling Cam. He picked up and I let out this spurt of laughter and explanation that was so loud and fast and hysterical that he had to hang up until I got myself together.

I gave up and found Gray a fantastic pair of red sweats and a red collared shirt. Popped the collar, gave him some sunglasses and we were in business.

Last up, I had to get my costume together. Being that I was Christina Aguilera...who is quite...chesty, I donned tight black pants, a black shirt and, like any logical mother of twins, a teal corset from my lingerie drawer.

Let me remind you that I'm getting dressed for a Church function.

I put on all the jewelry I could handle and more makeup than I think I've ever worn. We got all loaded up and started to drive to the church.

You know in old horror movies where something dons on the main character and the background goes all fuzzy and their eyes get real big? Yep. Lived it.

So, we pull into the parking lot for the trunk or treat and I realize that we have been in young student married wards for so long that we didn't put together that we were in a real family ward now. As in, there are so many kids that the adults must not dress up anymore. [I was wrong about that, but all the adults that were in the parking lot were dressed in normal clothes. The dressed up ones were eating dinner inside.] Either way, in my head all I am seeing is kids dressed up and adults wearing street clothes and I AM WEARING A CORSET.

"Drive Cameron. DO NOT PARK. Drive. DRIVE!"

And it all came crashing down.

One street away, I totally lost it. Sobbing and freaking out about "WHY can't we be normal and just buy animal pajamas for our boys?! We look ridiculous! No one will recognize us, but even if we HAD money for animal pajamas, that wouldn't be right either because we're not animal pajama people! yada yada yada yada yada yada. sob. moan. cry. choke."

Clearly, I was stable.

Cameron somehow got me to laugh at myself. And the situation. And our conversation went a little like this:

Me: OK. I think I'm good. Let's go. I just want to see our friends anyway. Who cares what we're wearing?

C: I think that sounds great. I really want to go.

Me: K. Let's go.

C: Well, your face looks scary.

So we went home and I washed my face and re-applied the make up and grabbed some bottles for the boys. We ended up having a great time. I kept my coat on. We made the kids sing for their candy. It was a blast.

And we went home and watched some well-deserved White Collar. Because that's just how we roll.

When I finally got a hold of my mom she told me to tell Cameron "Never trust a woman in a corset."

Words to live by.

For real. The only picture I took that night. Nash a.k.a. Blake Shelton.

Our "the Voice" pumpkin. Which is almost too good looking to include in such a post.

{And don't worry, the pictures from our annual Halloween Party will show the rest of our costumes. Corset included.}

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